Lesson 48 Choose Your Friends Wisely
[Image:] Four friends taking a selfie together.
[Press play to hear the MP3 of the Lesson]
Close friends add to our happiness during good times, and they strengthen us during hard times. But the Bible warns us that not everyone is a good friend. So how can you choose good friends? Consider the following questions.
1. How will the friends you choose affect you?
We tend to become like the people we spend time with. This can be good or bad, and that is true whether we spend time with them in person or on social media. As the Bible says, “the one walking with the wise will become wise, but the one who has dealings with the stupid [those who do not love Jehovah] will fare badly.” (Proverbs 13:20) Friends who love and worship Jehovah can help you to stay close to him and to make good decisions. But close friends outside the congregation can cause us to draw away from Jehovah. No wonder the Bible encourages us to choose our friends wisely! When our friends are people who love God, we benefit both ourselves and them. We are able to “keep encouraging one another and building one another up.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
[Quotation] 1 Thessalonians 5:11: Therefore, keep encouraging one another and building one another up, just as you are in fact doing. [End Quotation]
2. How will your choice of friends affect Jehovah?
Jehovah chooses his friends carefully. “His close friendship is with the upright.” (Proverbs 3:32) How would Jehovah feel if we were to choose friends who do not love him? He would be very disappointed! (Read James 4:4.)
[Read scripture] James 4:4: Adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever, therefore, wants to be a friend of the world is making himself an enemy of God. [End of Read scripture]
On the other hand, Jehovah will be pleased and will choose us as friends if we reject bad association and draw close to him and to those who love him. (Psalms 15:1 through 4)
[Quotation] Psalms 15:1 through 4: O Jehovah, who may be a guest in your tent? Who may reside in your holy mountain? The one who is walking faultlessly, Practicing what is right And speaking the truth in his heart. He does not slander with his tongue, He does nothing bad to his neighbor, And he does not defame his friends. He rejects anyone who is contemptible, But he honors those fearing Jehovah. He does not go back on his promise, even when it is bad for him. [End Quotation]
Dig Deeper
Examine why our choice of friends is so important, and see how you can develop friendships that will truly enrich your life.
3. Beware of bad association
People who do not love God and his standards are bad association. Play the video Learn to Reject Bad Association (6:17), and then discuss the question that follows.
[Disclaimer: The following video is created by Watchtower Bible and Tract Society; however, the audio description has been added by independent blind and sighted volunteers to assist those who are blind or have low vision]
[Click for Transcript]|[Learn to reject bad association]
[A sign surrounded by greenery reads ‘Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses.’ Inside on the platform a brother talks at the meeting]
Brother presenting talk: We must know Jehovah well. That means knowing his thinking on matters. We should welcome such an examination and make any necessary changes.
[In the audience a teenage brother nod]
For example, let’s read 1 Corinthians 15:33 together.
[A young adult sister follows along in her Bible]
Here we read: Do not be misled. Bad associations spoil useful habits.
[A husband reflects]
As familiar as that principle is, can you think of an area in your life where it’s difficult to apply?
[Pursing his lips, he remembers being in his office]
Work Colleague: Hey, John. I know it’s not your usual, but there’s no one to entertain those clients tonight. So, can you do it? Thanks.
John: But I have . . .
Work Colleague: Great.
[Sighing he looks at his watch. Later greets clients at dinner]
John: Until then, it wasn’t my usual thing.
[Handing two men a binder he explains business over water. Later at the same restaurant he shakes hands with two women. One of them removes her large sunglasses as he hands her the binder]
But I need to support my family.
[A server brings them glasses of wine, as the brother talks, he pours more wine into her glass. At night at the restaurant, he pours men wine and energetically laughs]
And these aren’t really my friends. I can handle it. I think.
[He is back at the Kingdom Hall]
Brother presenting talk: . . . we’re faced with bad associations
in subtle ways. This may require us to ask additional questions of ourselves.
[View scans to the young sister]
Are we letting in bad association through social media?
[Her eyes widen]
Perhaps we can think of another way bad association . . .
[Recalls scrolling through her phone]
Sister: I don’t think so
[She warmly smiles as she views various photos from friends]
except for some friends from my old congregation.
[Looking closer at the phone]
Wow! They’re not doing so well spiritually.
[She shakes her head in dismay]
But if I stay connected and see what they’re doing, maybe I can help them.
[Back at the Kingdom Hall]
Brother presenting talk: . . . can affect us. Maybe it’s something very specific.
[A teenage boy]
Or maybe bad association is coming from a place we never expected.
[His brows furrow as he remembers playing video games]
Teenage Brother: I only join games with Witness friends I know.
[Connects with two friends on a racing game]
But sometimes
[Another racing player, who connects with an older man drinking a beer]
they connect with people I don’t know who pick games I’m not sure we should play.
[Who is playing a violent shooting game. The brother squirms in his seat]
But maybe my friends know them,
[He presses a red button on the controller]
So, they’re probably OK.
Brother presenting talk: It is vital that we avoid bad associations. Now, as we resume in Psalm 26 . . .
[In his cubical the husband eats lunch while reading the Bible]
John: I thought that talk didn’t apply to me. But can I really handle bad association?
[On his tablet, researches association. He looks behind his shoulders at co-workers]
If I take a stand, I may lose my job. But that’s being anxious about tomorrow.
[Turning back around he picks up his Bible]
Jesus said: So never be anxious and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or, ‘What are we to drink?’ or, ‘What are we to wear?’
[Matthew 6:31]
Jehovah knows I need a job. And I need to set a good example for when my children face bad association.
[he nods with conviction. Now the young adult sister at a desk researches with Watchtower Online]
Sister: 1 Corinthians 15:33.
[Do not be misled. Bad associations spoil useful habits]
My friends’ posts are getting worse —their pictures and comments. Hmm, 2 Timothy 2:16. But reject empty speeches that violate what is holy, for they will lead to more and more ungodliness. I’m letting them share empty speeches with me online.
[Picking up her phone she makes selections on the screen]
I will try to help them while I still can, but following their posts is not the way to do it.
[and places the phone face down on her Bible. The teenage brother opens up to his mum. She nods]
Teenage Brother: I told Mom what’s been happening when I game with my friends. She gave me good ideas on what to look for in the Research Guide.
[He sits at a computer in the living room]
Christian Life. Association.
[Nodding, he squints his eyes as he searches]
Is Your Recreation Beneficial?
[The Watchtower 10/15/2011]
Who Are My Companions? It says, who are the ones I want to share my leisure time with?
[He scrolls down]
Does he have the same Bible-based values and morals that I have? Good question. I don’t even know who they are sometimes. Psalm 119:63 says: I am a friend of all who fear you and of those who keep your orders. But if I only know them online, I can’t know if they fear Jehovah.
[From the kitchen his mum smiles as she watches him study]
[At the Kingdom Hall a brother reads from the Bible]
Brother presenting talk: Let’s turn in our Bibles to the book of 1 Timothy 1:5 and notice how it reads: Really, the objective of this instruction is love out of a clean heart and out of a good conscience and out of faith without hypocrisy.
[The husband smiles at his wife]
We train our conscience with Bible principles that reveal Jehovah’s thinking.
[The young adult sister joyfully smiles]
There may be several principles needed for our unique problem.
[Teenage brother smiles at his mum and nods]
But when we find and apply them, we’ll enjoy a clean heart and a good conscience.
[The frame recedes scanning the back of the audience]
(Logo: Black capital letters JW.ORG inside a white box. Copyright 2017 Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania) [Click to close]
How could we become involved in bad association without realizing it?
Read 1 Corinthians 15:33, and then discuss the questions that follow:
[Read scripture] 1 Corinthians 15:33: Do not be misled. Bad associations spoil useful habits. [End of Read scripture]
What kind of person could be bad association for you? Why?
Read Psalm 119:63, and then discuss the question that follows:
[Read scripture] Psalm 119:63: I am a friend of all who fear you And of those who keep your orders. [End of Read scripture]
What should you look for in a friend?
[Image:] A bowl of apples. One rotten apple is attracting flies and is beginning to spoil the other apples. Caption: One rotten apple can spoil the rest. How might one bad associate affect you?
4. People who are different from us can become our good friends
The Bible describes David and Jonathan, two men in ancient Israel. They were very different in age and circumstances; yet, they had a remarkable friendship. Read 1 Samuel 18:1, and then discuss the question that follows:
[Read scripture] 1 Samuel 18:1: As soon as David had finished speaking to Saul, Jonathan and David became bound together in close friendship, and Jonathan began to love him as himself. [End of Read scripture]
Why do our friends not always have to come from our own age group or social status?
Read Romans 1:11 and 12, and then discuss the question that follows:
[Read scripture] Romans 1:11 and 12: For I am longing to see you, that I may impart some spiritual gift to you for you to be made firm; or, rather, that we may have an interchange of encouragement by one another’s faith, both yours and mine. [End of Read scripture]
How can friends who love Jehovah encourage each other?
In this dramatization, see how one young brother found friends in unexpected places. Play the video Find Friends in Unexpected Places (5:06), and then discuss the questions that follow.
[Disclaimer: The following video is created by Watchtower Bible and Tract Society; however, the audio description has been added by independent blind and sighted volunteers to assist those who are blind or have low vision]
[Click for Transcript]|[Find friends in unexpected places]
[Akil sits in his room on his bed. Holding his camera in his hands his parents carry boxes down the hallway past his room]
Akil: My name is Akil. When I was 18, my family moved to a new city. It was bad enough leaving my friends behind. But now, I wasn’t sure if I could make new ones.
[He gazes through the view finder of his camera at a picture of his friends]
My parents seemed really happy.
[During a meal, Akil leaves the table]
I didn’t want to make them feel bad by telling them how I really felt. The new school wasn’t much better
[At his locker he yanks on a padlock. He hits the locker]
until I met Cameron. He seemed like a pretty cool guy.
[Cameron opens the locker; they slap hands together and gives a side hug]
Soon, his friends became my friends . . .
[He joins Cameron and the other teens for lunch]
[Now at the Kingdom Hall Akil pulls out his phone. Text from Cameron. 7:56pm ‘Hey what’s up?’ Akil 7:56pm ‘Hey Not much’ He puts his phone away]
Brother giving talk from the platform: something that David believed was true, he actually proved it by the association that he kept. We think about one of the closest friendships recorded in the Scriptures, and it was that of David and Jonathan. What was it that David and Jonathan shared in common? It wasn’t their age.
[At home]
Mum: Akil, you were texting in the meeting.
Akil: I shouldn’t have sent the text. I’m sorry.
[They sit in the living room]
But Cameron is a good person. He might even study one day.
Dad: I understand that Akil. But we all have to be careful with how much time we spend with people that don’t love Jehovah. See, their values are just different. You know what Proverbs 13:20 says: ‘Walk with those who are wise.’ So why don’t you seek out friends who love Jehovah? And you will make friends that last a lifetime.
Akil: How am I supposed to do that? There’s no one my age in the congregation.
Mum: Akil, good friends can come from unexpected places.
Akil: Mom, I had good friends—back home.
[He stands, with slumped shoulders he walks away. Later Akil’s parents tap on his bedroom door]
Akil: We all felt bad that night.
[Hi parents sit with him on his bed, pat his back and talk. Now at school a group of kids gather around Cameron, Cameron holds up his phone for all to see]
Akil: The next day, Cameron posted pictures of a party he had. My parents were right.
[Akil leaves the group and walks away]
I broke off my association with Cameron and his friends, but I still felt lost.
[Later at the Kingdom Hall Akil stands alone in the back]
Brother: Hi, Akil? Do you have field service plans for Saturday?
Akil: Ah, no.
Brother: Good. Now you do. I’ll see you at the 9:30 a.m. meeting, OK?
[Akil smiles and nods to the grey-haired brother. Now in the ministry Max hands Akil his tablet to help him show a video at the door. They get invited in]
Akil: After service, Max had the group over for refreshments.
[Akil peers at the framed photos in the hallway]
Akil: Did you take these?
Max: Do you like them?
Akil: Yeah.
Max: My wife, she was always the photographer. She loved photography. And then one anniversary she went out and bought me a camera, and from that moment on, I was hooked too. Time flies so quickly. It’s hard to believe she passed away 12 years ago now.
Akil: I’m sorry.
Max: It’s OK.
Akil: But you still take pictures?
Max: I do. I really enjoy photography. There’s something about being close to Jehovah’s creation. It reminds me that we’re never really alone, you know?
[Akil’s mouth forms a soft smile as he looks at Max]
Akil: Good friends can come from unexpected places and unexpected ages. As I spent more time with Max, I realized it was just like David and Jonathan. Their friendship was based,
not on age, but on their love for Jehovah. And they helped each other.
[in Bible times Jonathan and David sit by a fire, converse, nod and smile to one another]
And with Max’s help, I was able to keep a good spiritual routine without interruption. Although we weren’t the same age, Max became my good friend. I just needed to see what was right in front of me.
[Max and Akil on a bridge overlooking a stream, cameras in hand, joined by Akil’s parents] (Logo: Black capital letters JW.ORG inside a white box. Copyright 2017 Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania) [Click to close]
In the video, why were Akil’s parents concerned about his friendships at school?
What factors initially made those friendships appealing to him?
How was he able to overcome his loneliness?
5. How to cultivate good friendships
Consider how to find real friends and how to be one in return. Play the video What’s a Real Friend? (4:14).
[Disclaimer: The following video is created by Watchtower Bible and Tract Society; however, the audio description has been added by independent blind and sighted volunteers to assist those who are blind or have low vision]
[Click for Transcript]|[What’s a Real Friend?]
[Whiteboard animation. Text: What's a real friend? On a dry erase board with a black marker, the face of a teenage boy is drawn]
Presenter: What’s a real friend? Someone who brings out the best in you.
[Boy draws a picture of his friend]
Someone who’s always there for you, even when times are tough.
[A boy hangs from a cliff]
Proverbs 18:24 says that they can even stick closer than a brother.
[His friend pulls him up]
Now, that’s a real friend.
[Two boys sit on a bench]
Friends like that are hard to find.
[One disappears]
And if you worry too much about being liked by everyone, you just may settle for less.
[Girls surrounded by friends, then they all vanish]
So, what should you look for?
[In front of a train, a boy looks at a map]
Well, don’t judge a book by its cover.
[Books hide faces]
Look for what’s on the inside. Look for a friend you can trust,
[A boy plays his friend's guitar]
a friend who forgives,
[Strings break]
someone who doesn’t hold your mistakes against you.
[His friend shrugs]
When it comes to friends, one good friend is better than a hundred fake ones.
[Many faces on social media]
To find a real friend, you may have to look outside your comfort zone.
[A girl looks out a window]
They may be where you least expect.
[She looks up a tree]
So be open-minded. Branch out.
[Different friends sit on branches]
Don’t just settle for a clone of yourself.
[Three identical girls]
Potential friends could have hobbies or talents that you don’t have.
[Change to girls who bake and play music]
They could be older, or younger.
[Switch to elderly lady and little girl]
They could be of a different background or culture.
[Switch to girls of different cultures]
So don’t limit yourself. But remember, real friends need to have good standards.
[Three rough looking people erased]
Have you ever had a friend who took advantage of you,
[Runs away with your money]
or talked behind your back, or spread lies about you?
[A girl stands under a rain cloud]
You deserve better than that!
[A hand gives her an umbrella]
So, watch out for toxic friends. Toxic friends care only about what they can get out of you. They tear you down because of the way you talk, the way you look, or even for your beliefs.
[Blobs of goo are thrown at a boy]
Real friends aren’t like that. They let you be yourself. So, you need to choose smart friends.
[Smiling for a selfie]
Not just book-smart, but smart in life.
[Lady writes E equals MC squared]
They are the kind that stand for something, and they show it.
[Doesn’t smoke]
Proverbs 27:17 says that true friends learn from each other,
[Friend doesn’t smoke]
just as iron sharpens iron. They even make you a better person. So how do you get a friend like that?
[A boy's on a trapeze]
You can’t always expect people to reach out to you. You need to take the initiative.
[Hands reach]
Take the first step and start a conversation.
[The friend grabs his hands and swings him on the trapeze]
Wait! You do need to talk —but not just about yourself. Ask them questions. Then listen. Really listen.
[A brain listens]
You see, listening is one of the best gifts you can give a friend.
[A boy listens as his friend talks]
Now what? Now it’s time to put in some work.
[A shovel digs]
That’s right, work. You have to work to make this friendship grow. So be the kind of friend that’s loyal, who doesn’t hold a grudge. Be there for them, even when times get tough. When you do this, your friendship will really grow.
[Flowers grow]
Philippians 2:4 says to keep an eye not just on yourself but to take an interest in others. Taking an interest in others is what friendship is all about.
[A girl hands flowers to a lady in a wheelchair]
You know, you’re going to meet a lot of people in life. It will be up to you to choose your friends. So, choose wisely. Choose real friends!
[Logo of JW.org is drawn. Text: Download the book, questions young people ask, answers that work, volumes 1 and 2 at JW.org.
(Logo: Black capital letters JW.ORG inside a white box. Copyright 2013 Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania) [Click to close]
[Image:] Collage: A young woman visiting with three of her close friends. 1. She talks with one of them on the telephone. 2. She talks with the older one at the Kingdom Hall. 3. She visits one of them who is grieving. Caption: To have good friends, you need to be a good friend
[Image:] A scene from the video What’s a Real Friend? A teenager surrounded by her friends of various ages, races, and talents. [Image:] Collage: A young woman visiting with three of her close friends. 1. She talks with one of them on the telephone. 2. She talks with the older one at the Kingdom Hall. 3. She visits one of them who is grieving. Caption: To have good friends, you need to be a good friend
Read Proverbs 18:24 and 27:17, and then discuss the questions that follow:
[Read scripture] Proverbs 18:24: There are companions ready to crush one another, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. [End of Read scripture]
[Read scripture] Proverbs 27:17: As iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens his friend. [End of Read scripture]
How do real friends help each other?
Do you have good friendships like that? If not, how could you develop some?
Read Philippians 2:4, and then discuss the question that follows:
[Read scripture] Philippians 2:4: as you look out not only for your own interests, but also for the interests of others. [End of Read scripture]
To have good friends, you need to be a good friend. How can you do that?
[Box]
Some People Say: “Any friends are better than no friends at all.” What would you say? [End of box]
Summary
When we choose our friends wisely, we please Jehovah and benefit ourselves.
Review
Why does Jehovah care about our choice of friends?
What kind of friendships should we avoid?
How can you build strong friendships with the right sort of people?
Goal
Get to know more people in the congregation. Set Other Goals
Explore
See how the right kind of friends can help us in times of trial. “Build Strong Friendships Before the End Comes” (The Watchtower, November 2019)
[Click for article]|[Coming soon] [Click to close]
Consider practical steps you can take to make good friends. “How Can I Make Good Friends?” (Questions Young People Ask—Answers That Work, Volume 1, chapter 8)
[Click for article]|[Coming soon] [Click to close]
What should you know about online friendships? Be Social-Network Smart (4:12)
[Click for Transcript]|[Be Social-Network Smart. Whiteboard Animation]
[On a dry erase board with a black marker, artwork of various sketches is drawn to create an animated story. Be Social-Network Smart]
Presenter: What can you do on a social network?
[Girl on laptop]
You can connect with people,
(a lot of people)
[Faces in bubbles, all connected]
share your photos,
[Man takes photos of food]
tell jokes,
[People laugh]
post your thoughts on, well, just about anything,
[Girl listens to music, boy plays guitar]
And see what all your friends are up to. It’s pretty easy, and that’s the problem.
[Cat presses button]
Sometimes it’s a little too easy.
[Photo shared]
You see, a social network may look harmless, but once you log in,
[Dog growls]
watch out! It could be a dangerous place
[Girl runs carrying cat, dog chases]
So, if your parents allow you to have an account, you have to be smart,
[Girl sees her picture]
social-network smart.
[On TV]
Follow the front-page rule. Don’t post anything that you wouldn’t want to see on the TV news or the front page of the newspaper.
[Identity card]
And that includes personal information like your phone number, where you live, and where you go to school. Never tell people when you’re not home or when you’re going on vacation. It may seem harmless, but that’s exactly the kind of information thieves can use to break into your house or even steal your identity!
[Thief replaces ID photo]
Now let’s look at your reputation. Your photos and comments say a lot about you. So, if you’ve made a fool of yourself, ask, ‘Is this how I really want people to view me, not just now but in the future, like at a job interview?’ At Proverbs 22:1, the Bible says a good reputation is ‘worth more than silver and gold.’ Don’t let that Delete key fool you. Posting something on any social network is kind of like writing in permanent ink.
[Hits delete key, but photos remain]
OK, so you’re careful about what you share. Now think about who you’re sharing it with. Who are your friends? Some people have hundreds of online friends. Some have thousands. So, you may think, ‘The more friends, the better, right?’ Actually, no! That kind of thinking can blow up in your face.
[Balloons pop man falls]
You see, when you connect with online friends, you are also indirectly connecting with their friends and their friends’ friends.
[A big group]
That means you may find yourself seeing posts from people you don’t even know, people whose morals and beliefs may be different from yours. They may use bad language or post about things you know are wrong. Those just aren’t the kind of friends you want to hang around with, not even online. And there’s another danger. At Psalm 26:4, the Bible warns about people “who hide what they are.” They pretend to be someone they are not and may seem super friendly,
[Girl messages another girl]
but they can be dangerous.
[Shocked it was a man]
So, when it comes to friends, you need to be picky.
[Conveyer belt with lever]
The safest friends online are ones you already know offline.
[Man drops]
There’s one more thing to think about: It has to do with your time. Checking out the latest posts can be addictive. So, let’s set some limits, and don’t let your online life get in the way of your real life.
[Boy sleeps on laptop]
You know, connecting with others online can be fun and safe as long as you look out for all the dangers.
[Boat tips over waterfall]
So, the next time you log in, be smart, social-network smart.
(Logo: Black capital letters JW.ORG inside a white box. Copyright 2014 Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania) [Click to close]
In the story “I Yearned for a Father,” find out what caused one man to reevaluate his choice of friends. “The Bible Changes Lives” (The Watchtower, April 1, 2012)
[Click for article]|[Coming soon] [Click to close]