Lesson 51 How Can You Please Jehovah With Your Speech?

[Image:] Three women conversing happily in a coffee shop.

[Press play to hear the MP3 of the Lesson]

When Jehovah created us, he gave us a wonderful gift, the ability to speak. Does he care about the way we use that gift? He certainly does! (Read James 1:26)

[Read scripture] James 1:26: If any man thinks he is a worshipper of God but does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he is deceiving his own heart, and his worship is futile. [End of Read scripture]

So how can we use our ability to speak in a way that will please Jehovah?

1. How should we use the gift of speech?

The Bible tells us to “keep encouraging one another and building one another up.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

[Quotation] 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore, keep encouraging one another and building one another up, just as you are in fact doing. [End Quotation]

Can you think of some who need encouragement? What can you do to make them feel better? Assure them that you care about them. Perhaps you can tell them what you appreciate about them. Can you think of a scripture that would encourage someone you know? There are many from which you can choose. Remember, too, that the way you say something can affect others just as deeply as the words you use. So always try to speak kindly and mildly. (Proverbs 15:1)

[Quotation] Proverbs 15:1 A mild answer turns away rage, But a harsh word stirs up anger. [End Quotation]

2. What type of speech must we avoid?

The Bible says: “Let a rotten word not come out of your mouth.” (Read Ephesians 4:29)

[Read scripture] Ephesians 4:29: Let a rotten word not come out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up as the need may be, to impart what is beneficial to the hearers. [End of Read scripture]

This means that we do not use foul language or make cruel and offensive remarks that are meant to hurt someone’s feelings. We must also avoid harmful gossip and slander. Read Proverbs 16:28.

[Read scripture] Proverbs 16:28: A troublemaker causes dissension, And a slanderer separates close friends. [End of Read scripture]

3. What will help us to speak in an upbuilding way?

Often the things we talk about reveal what is really in our heart or weighing on our mind. (Luke 6:45)

[Quotation] Luke 6:45 A good man brings good out of the good treasure of his heart, but a wicked man brings what is wicked out of his wicked treasure; for out of the heart’s abundance his mouth speaks. [End Quotation]

So we need to train ourselves to focus on positive things, things that are righteous, chaste, lovable, and praiseworthy. (Philippians 4:8)

[Quotation] Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are of serious concern, whatever things are righteous, whatever things are chaste, whatever things are lovable, whatever things are well-spoken-of, whatever things are virtuous, and whatever things are praiseworthy, continue considering these things. [End Quotation]

To focus on these things, we must choose our entertainment and friends wisely. (Proverbs 13:20)

[Quotation] Proverbs 13:20 The one walking with the wise will become wise, But the one who has dealings with the stupid will fare badly. [End Quotation]

It also helps to take the time to think before we speak. Consider how your words will affect others. The Bible says: “Thoughtless speech is like the stabs of a sword, but the tongue of the wise is a healing.” (Proverbs 12:18)

Dig Deeper

Learn how to speak in a way that pleases Jehovah and encourages others.

4. Control your speech

At times, we all say things we later regret. (James 3:2)

[Quotation] James 3:2 For we all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able to bridle also his whole body. [End Quotation]

Read Galatians 5:22 and 23, and then discuss the questions that follow:

[Read scripture] Galatians 5:22 and 23: On the other hand, the fruitage of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, mildness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. [End of Read scripture]

Which of these qualities could you pray for to help you control your speech? How might these qualities help you?

Read 1 Corinthians 15:33, and then discuss the question that follows:

[Read scripture] 1 Corinthians 15:33: Do not be misled. Bad associations spoil useful habits. [End of Read scripture]

What effect might your choice of friends and entertainment have on the language you use?

Read Ecclesiastes 3:1 and 7, and then discuss the question that follows:

[Read scripture] Ecclesiastes 3:1: There is an appointed time for everything, A time for every activity under the heavens: [End of Read scripture]

[Read scripture] Ecclesiastes 3:7: A time to rip apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak; [End of Read scripture]

When might it be wise to keep silent or to wait for a better time to say something?

[Image:] Collage: Actions leading a husband to speak harshly to his wife. 1. He listens to aggressive music. 2. He enthusiastically watches a boxing match on TV with his friend. [Image:] Collage: Actions leading the same husband to speak kindly to his wife. 1. He reads the Bible. 2. He and his wife chat with a friend at the Kingdom Hall. Caption: What might affect the way you speak?

5. Speak positively of others

How can we avoid insulting others or saying unkind things? Play the video Speak “What Is Good for Building Up” Others (4:07), and then discuss the questions that follow.

[Disclaimer: The following video is created by Watchtower Bible and Tract Society; however, the audio description has been added by independent blind and sighted volunteers to assist those who are blind or have low vision]

[Click for Transcript]|[Speak “What Is Good for Building Up” Others]
[Two Asian couples enjoy pizza and salad at a dinner table. One of the husbands speaks, then laughs with the couple. Arms crossed his wife glares at him then looks down]
Husband: I embarrassed my wife tonight.
[Later as she washes dishes, she glances at him as he washes the table]
I knew when it happened, and I didn’t want to talk about it.
[After she speaks to him, he solemnly makes a brief comment before leaving the room. With a slight frown she stares in his direction. Later that night softly smiling and holding two cups of coffee he approaches her as she sits on the couch with a laptop]
But I knew in my heart that Yoomi was right.
[Handing her a cup of coffee he sits next to her, begins gently speaking and she smiles]
I had become unkind. There were lots of examples.
[He recalls complaining while they walked in the ministry. Yoomi looking straight ahead]
I’d complained about the way one brother conducted meetings for field service.
[At the Kingdom Hall a brother speaks from the platform]
I was jealous of a ministerial servant who received new privileges.
[After the meeting from across the room the husband with a younger brother disapprovingly looks on at the servant visiting with a couple. Back at home having dinner with a couple, the husband receives a phone call from Yoomi’s father, shaking his head in disgust he rejects the call]
I was pretty blunt about how frustrated I got with Yoomi’s parents.
[Standing in the kitchen with sad eyes Yoomi sighs. Back on the couch with their coffee’s the husband gazes at Yoomi]
I thought I’d gotten rid of my old personality, but it still lurked inside of me.
[In his car the husband picks up the young brother who gets in and shows him something on his phone]
Some of my friends were OK with and even encouraged these bad qualities.
[Looking at the phone the husband widens his eyes in shock]
The change was so gradual that I didn’t even realize how far I’d fallen.
[Now back on the couch]
What do you think I need to do to change?'
Yoomi: How about we search for “good for building up” from the ONLINE LIBRARY?
Husband: Sounds good. Let’s take a look.
[He types on the laptop, then points to an article]
We considered Ephesians 4:29, which says: “Let a rotten word not come out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up… to impart what is beneficial to the hearers.”
[He imagines a woman in Bible times with a basket of purple grapes]
I was struck by this powerful word picture. Rotten words are as disgusting as rotten food.
[Turning over the grapes she sees brown furry mould growing, her face twists in disgust]
I didn’t want the things coming out of my mouth to disgust my wife or anyone else.
[Yoomi grasps his hand]
But to change, I needed a plan.
[At the Kingdom Hall, the husband warmly greets the servant]
Now I really try to think before I speak. And I have a goal to give someone real commendation at every meeting.
[Smiling he shakes the servant’s hand. Later in a car group the young brother speaks and two sisters in the back seat look sceptical and frown]
I have a goal for my conversations too. I want to keep them wholesome, true, and kind.
[The husband calmly responds to the young brother with a smile]
It’s amazing how speaking kindly to others can make you feel so good inside.
[The young brother raises his eyebrows, and the two sisters light up with a smile]
I shouldn’t be surprised because it’s just another way of showing God’s love.
[Later the husband and Yoomi visit and laugh with her parents]
(Logo: Black capital letters JW.ORG inside a white box. Copyright 2019 Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania) [Click to close]

In the video, why did this brother want to change the way he spoke about others?

What did he do to change?

Read Ecclesiastes 7:16, and then discuss the question that follows:

[Read scripture] Ecclesiastes 7:16: Do not be overly righteous, nor show yourself excessively wise. Why should you bring ruin to yourself? [End of Read scripture]

What should we remember when we are tempted to speak negatively about someone?

Read Ecclesiastes 7:21 and 22, and then discuss the question that follows:

[Read scripture] Ecclesiastes 7:21 and 22: Also, do not take to heart every word that people say; otherwise, you may hear your servant calling down evil on you; for you well know in your heart that many times you yourself have called down evil on others. [End of Read scripture]

How can these verses help you to keep from overreacting when someone speaks negatively about you?

6. Be kind when you speak to your family

Jehovah wants us to communicate with our family in a kind and loving way. Play the video Love and Respect Unite Families (3:08), and then discuss the question that follows.

[Click for Transcript]|[Love and Respect Unite Families]
[In a living room a man aggressively shakes his hands up and down as he shouts at a woman who tensely listens. Later with his eyes tightly shut he shakes his head as he speaks to her]
Presenter: Anger,
[In the foreground a little boy with a stuffed animal lion watches as the man shouts at the woman]
hurtful words,
[Slowly his large sad brown eyes blink]
devastating effects
[An opened Bible]
the Bible says: “A mild answer turns away rage, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
[Now having hot tea at a breakfast table]
The way out of a crisis is only found by learning to speak openly with one another
[The man calmly talks to the woman]
in a mild, gentle way.
[Looking away from him and with crossed arms she raises her eyebrows]
It takes time and patience. Honestly apologizing also helps to build bridges.
[He texts her ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you.’]
“The insight of a man certainly slows down his anger,” says the Bible.
[He listens as she expresses herself]
Insight means understanding
[As she speaks, he slowly nods]
to have empathy for my partner. How can I understand the feelings behind their reaction? How were my words understood? Speaking so as not to hurt one another’s feelings will help.
[Making eye contact with him she explains]
When was everything OK between us?
[She holds together a torn wedding photo]
What were the things that made us happy?
[With arms around each other they walk with their two sons]
Can we revive this love again?
[Slowly walking towards each other they warmly embrace and peacefully smile]
go in a new direction?
[Wearing coats outside the husband and wife holds hands behind their son’s back while they watch their other son swing. The wife kisses her son softly on the head. With a warm smile she contently gazes at her husband]
[Text: “All things, therefore that you want men to do to you, you also must do to them.” Matthew 7:12]
(Logo: Black capital letters JW.ORG inside a white box. Copyright 2015 Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania) [Click to close]

What will help you to speak kindly to your family?

Read Ephesians 4:31 and 32, and then discuss the question that follows:

[Read scripture] Ephesians 4:31 and 32: Put away from yourselves every kind of malicious bitterness, anger, wrath, screaming, and abusive speech, as well as everything injurious. But become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another just as God also by Christ freely forgave you. [End of Read scripture]

What kind of speech builds up a family?

Jehovah expressed how he felt about his Son, Jesus. Read Matthew 17:5, and then discuss the question that follows:

[Read scripture] Matthew 17:5: While he was still speaking, look! a bright cloud overshadowed them, and look! a voice out of the cloud said: “This is my Son, the beloved, whom I have approved. Listen to him.” [End of Read scripture]

How can you imitate Jehovah in the way you communicate with your family?

[Image:] A mother commending her young daughter, who has just finished a drawing. Caption: Look for opportunities to commend others

[Box]

Some People Say: “I speak my mind. It’s not my problem if others don’t like what I say.” Do you agree? Why, or why not? [End of box]

Summary

Words have power. We need to think carefully about what we say, when we say it, and how we say it.

Review

What are some ways that you can use speech to help others?

What kind of speech do you want to avoid?

What can help us always to be kind and upbuilding in our speech?

Goal

This week, try to commend someone in your family or in the congregation. Set Other Goals

Explore

What can help us to use positive speech? Develop the Tongue of the Wise Ones (8:04)

[Click for transcript]|[Coming soon] [Click to close]

Learn what can help you to avoid using bad language. “Is Cursing Really That Bad?” (Web article)

[Click for article]|[Coming soon] [Click to close]

See how you can avoid falling into the trap of harmful gossip. How Can I Stop the Gossip? (2:36)